Diary of a Bulimic

I have suffered with bulimia for about 12 years. I remember the very night that I threw up my dinner for the very first time, amazed at how easy it was, amazed at the thought of being able to eat as much as I wanted and never gain a pound. I

thought it was a talent and I couldn't have been more wrong. Years later, "my talent" controls me and somewhere along the way I have completley lost myself. I don't even know who I was before this all started and I desperatly want to find "me". I am officially diagnosed with bulimia nervosa but have been told that I am a borderline anorexic because I have been seriously underweight at many points throughout my disease. I've tried groups and have been admitted to hospital 3 times for extremely low potassium levels. I am so tired of living this way but I can't seem to find anything that helps me. I just want to be healthy!

I'm sure my depression is a symptom of my eating disorder. I really started to notice it about 2 years ago. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I lost interest in all the things I love and there are many days I still don't want to get out of bed. I was put on medication that seemed to work at first, but now, it's like I'm immune or something. I am currently not taking any meds, I don't want to rely on pills.

I began to cut when I was only in my teens. My family found out and I was able to stop for years. I didn't even think about doing it. Within the past 6 months, I have started again, some times more severe than others and mostly when I have been drinking, I am quite ashamed of this and am constantly reminded by the few scars I have been left with, I hate them and am doing a good job of avoiding this coping mechanism lately.

I attended Turning points last year, I found it helpful to talk to others, but I didn't get much else out of it. I then attended "making Changes" I left halfway through. I am now in individual traditional talk therapy and am feeling optamistic about it.

I was on 10mgs for 6 months, My doctor recently raised my dosage to 20 and now I'm getting pretty depressd again.

I am on a waitinglist for Homewood in Guelph. I will be waiting about2 years .

Everyone in my life now knows about my bulimia, It was a great weight lifted off my chest,They love and try to support me as best they can, but they still don't understand it.


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	I have suffered with bulimia for about 12 years. I remember the very night that I threw up my dinner for the very first time, amazed at how easy it was, amazed at the thought of being able to eat as much as I wanted and never gain a pound. I thought it was a talent and I couldn't have been more wrong. Years later, "my talent" controls me and somewhere along the way I have completley lost myself. I don't even know who I was before this all started and I desperatly want to find "me". I am officially diagnosed with bulimia nervosa but have been told that I am a borderline anorexic because I have been seriously underweight at many points throughout my disease. I've tried groups and have been admitted to hospital 3 times for extremely low potassium levels. I am so tired of living this way but I can't seem to find anything that helps me. I just want to be healthy! I'm sure my depression is a symptom of my eating disorder. I really started to notice it about 2 years ago. I didn't want to do anything or talk to anyone. I lost interest in all the things I love and there are many days I still don't want to get out of bed. I was put on medication that seemed to work at first, but now, it's like I'm immune or something. I am currently not taking any meds, I don't want to rely on pills. I began to cut when I was only in my teens. My family found out and I was able to stop for years. I didn't even think about doing it. Within the past 6 months, I have started again, some times more severe than others and mostly when I have been drinking, I am quite ashamed of this and am constantly reminded by the few scars I have been left with, I hate them and am doing a good job of avoiding this coping mechanism lately. Treatments: Group Therapy (Not Working) I attended Turning points last year, I found it helpful to talk to others, but I didn't get much else out of it. I then attended "making Changes" I left halfway through. I am now in individual traditional talk therapy and am feeling optamistic about it. Lexapro (Somewhat Helpful) I was on 10mgs for 6 months, My doctor recently raised my dosage to 20 and now I'm getting pretty depressd again. Residential Treatment Center (Too Soon To Tell) I am on a waitinglist for Homewood in Guelph. I will be waiting about2 years . Support from Friends & Family (Somewhat Helpful) Everyone in my life now knows about my bulimia, It was a great weight lifted off my chest,They love and try to support me as best they can, but they still don't understand it. Wellbutrin (Too Soon To Tell) I just started